This makes me want to kill myself. Well, not kill myself, but attempt to.

Marcotte's study found that after people attempt suicide and fail, their incomes increase by an average of 20.6 percent compared to peers who seriously contemplate suicide but never make an attempt. In fact, the more serious the attempt, the larger the boost—"hard-suicide" attempts, in which luck is the only reason the attempts fail, are associated with a 36.3 percent increase in income. (The presence of nonattempters as a control group suggests the suicide effort is the root cause of the boost.)

Trent Lott on Iraq:

“If we have to, we just mow the whole place down, see what happens. "

Sodaplay: moovl.

Mike learned that if you say the wrong thing at Microsoft, you're dead meat.

When you get a telemarketer call, just tell them you're busy stuffing your mother-in-law into a plastic bag and ask them to call back later.

Like I said, stock up on canned food and shotguns. A geyser at Yellowstone has erupted for the fourth time in 18 months. "Not a big deal, they go off all the time right?"

No. This one historically has erupted every fifty years.

"Big deal, it's just a geyser, right?"

No, it's the biggest geyser in the world and it's sitting on a geological timebomb that could drive the human species to the brink of extinction. So like I said, stock up on canned food and shotguns.

San Fransico dominates.

In a move some called gutsy and others childish, San Francisco Supervisor Chris Daly used his powers as acting mayor Wednesday to appoint two people to the powerful Public Utilities Commission while Mayor Willie Brown was traveling in Tibet.

One of the people Chris Daly appointed was a former president of the Sierra Club. Nice work.

Google is the most popular search engine in history. Not many would dispute this statement. Part of what made Google so successful (and profitable) was its responsiveness to customers rather than investors. This is because Google, unlike Yahoo, is a privately held company and doesn't have to answer to shareholders who want ever-increasing profits.

This arrangement is about to end. Google plans to go public sometime next year, in what will inevitably lead to one of the biggest initial public offerings of stock in recent memory. Google will make a LOT of money, that's guranteed. It might be the spark that leads to a new technology frenzy, encouraging more companies to be started, more venture capital to flow, and lifting the spirits of still-wary investors.

I'm pretty skeptical, because I saw what happened to Yahoo and it makes me wonder: how long will it be before Google starts showering us with pop-ups?

We've prevented the Iraqis from getting nuclear weapons by invading them. Now will we invade Saudi Arabia?

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan, Oct. 20 (UPI) -- Pakistan and Saudi Arabia have concluded a secret agreement on nuclear cooperation, an unimpeachable source said Monday.

"It will be vehemently denied by both countries," added this ranking Pakistani source known to this correspondent for more than a decade as a knowledgeable insider, "but future events will confirm that Pakistan has agreed to provide KSA (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia) with the wherewithal for a nuclear deterrent."

A List Apart teaches nice tricks you can do with CSS, like this one. I'm going to digest the site fully when I finally come out with my long-overdue redesign. Look for it on my linkbar.

The pope beatified mother teresa, putting her into line for sainthood. This Salon article calls into question her worthiness, noting her apparent hypocrisy and possible insanity:

During the deliberations over the Second Vatican Council, under the stewardship of Pope John XXIII, MT was to the fore in opposing all suggestions of reform. What was needed, she maintained, was more work and more faith, not doctrinal revision. Her position was ultra-reactionary and fundamentalist even in orthodox Catholic terms. Believers are indeed enjoined to abhor and eschew abortion and contraception, but they are not required to affirm that abortion and contraception are the greatest threat to world peace, as MT fantastically asserted to a dumbfounded audience when receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.

Boris reports from the field:
L&L Restaurants Try Low-Carb Meal

I know you can appreciate this. Check out Hawaiians attempt at a good diet. Pictured is the small. The regular has 3 pieces of chicken, 3 pieces of beef, 3 pieces of ribs and 3 eggs on lettuce. They figure as long as you get rid of the rice and mac salad it's gotta be healthy. The funny thing is I over heard two large women the other day talking about how great the atkins diet was because all they do is eat pizza, hamburgers, and bbq beef. Hmmm I don't think that was the original intent.

Osama bin Laden must be trembling, knowing that in our war against religious zealots we've decided to fight fire with fire:

Gen Boykin has repeatedly told Christian groups and prayer meetings that President George W Bush was chosen by God to lead the global fight against Satan.

He told one gathering: "Why is this man in the White House? The majority of Americans did not vote for him. He's in the White House because God put him there for a time such as this."

He also talked about his experiences in Somalia:

He also emerged from the conflict with a photograph of the Somalian capital Mogadishu bearing a strange dark mark. He has said this showed "the principalities of darkness. . . a demonic presence in that city that God revealed to me as the enemy".

I'm definitely going to keep wearing my new London Undergroun wingtips. They have thick heels (I'm guessing around 3 inches) which make me tower over most of the people I work with. That's good, because on average every inch of height adds up to $789 per year in extra income.

Once again, the Red Sox curse the day they traded The Bambino.

Once again, the Cubs curse the day they told that guy he couldn't bring his pet goat to the game.

I know I've posted about this before, and I know it's in my links, but I must reiterate: Read Allah's blog every day, kufr.

The Supreme Court says: Viva la Ganja!. Also, in the upcoming "under god" case, Scalia says "[nothing because he recused himself due to his own impartiality]".

Scalia offered no public explanation; justices customarily do not specify reasons for recusing.

But Michael A. Newdow, the atheist opponent of the pledge who is acting as his own lawyer, filed papers Sept. 9 with the Supreme Court, asking Scalia to bow out because the justice had spoken critically of the 9th Circuit ruling at a Religious Freedom Day event Jan. 12 in Fredericksburg.

On that occasion, Scalia cited the 9th Circuit decision as an example of what he considered mistaken attempts to "exclude God from the public forums and from political life."

Newdow, of California, argued that this violated the code of conduct for United States judges, which says that "a judge should avoid public comment on the merits of a pending or impending action."

Gallup must think their poo doesn't stink. The released a poll analysis titled,
"Bush Job Approval Up Despite Iraq, Economy
Now at 56%"

What does this really mean? According to the graph at Pollkatz, Gallup has always been sweet on Dubya. The poll that they make so much of in their analysis means...what? It looks like it's probably what my economics teacher called "witches titties", those random spikes that don't really mean anything. Pollkatz' graph still shows a decidedly downward trend, and Gallup is the only pollster showing anything more than a downward slope.

I really hope that China shames us in their new status as a space-faring nation. I hope they set communist moon bases and go to Mars before we do. It would serve us right for largely abandoning the once-lofty ambitions of our space program. It would also be nice if they developed flying cars. I'm going to start learning to speak Chinese, and on the day they land on the moon I'm defecting.

I broke my 7-day blogging streak yesterday [hangs head in shame]. I'll try to beat it, but I'm not making any promises. The new job is kicking my ass. Yesterday was pure unbridled chaos.

Scientists have developed a neurally-controlled prosthetic, allowing a monkey to control a robot arm as easily as their own. This signals the death of physical activity, since we can now begin creating thought-controlled devices. Hooray! Nothing is as exciting as monkeys, except robot monkeys. The only thing that could beat robot monkeys would have to be robot monkey ninjas, or perhaps robot monkey ninja pirates.

Eyes on Design offers Photoshop tutorials to help you bulk up on graphic design knowledge. I used it to make a l337 matrix background for one of my page's styles.

More than I wanted, and probably less than I need to know about Unicode. Joel on Software breaks it down.

Wow. I just want to commend SunComm technologies for achieving the status of Biggest Idiots Ever. They're planning to sue Princeton grad student John Halderman for developing technology to thwart their incredibly advanced copy protection scheme. The technology: a rarely-used button, the "shift" key.

Mr Halderman found that SunnComm's MediaMax CD-3 software could be bypassed by simply holding down the shift key on a Windows PC when a copy-protected CD was inserted into a disc drive.

This temporarily disables the autorun function on Windows, stopping a anti-piracy program from installing itself on the computer.

Huh? They're probably just mad because their company lost $10 million in value since Halderman's report appeared on the web. My question is, with judgement as bad as theirs, who would've thought their company was worth that much money in the first place?

What are they going to do next, sue keyboard manufacturers for selling a device which illegally enables piracy under the DMCA?

Oh wait, they are:

German-based media giant Bertelsmann Group has launched a 400 million dollar lawsuit against major hardware manufacturers, alleging they traffic in banned circumvention devices that can be used to illegally copy their music CDs. It says that the Digital Millenium Copyright Act entitles it to protection from devices that can be used to circumvent its technological protections against piracy. Specifically, it demands compensation for the inclusion of "Shift" buttons on standard computer keyboards.

[edited to add: In a what alcoholics refer to as a "moment of sobriety", SunComm announced they wouldn't file charges. It's kind of disappointing, since the DMCA is a horrible law and needs these kind of tests for the general public to be shown how insane it is. The general public certainly needs incidents like these to be shown who the law is designed to benefit. ]

As a minister in the Universal Life Church, I can perform marriages. It's very exciting. Here's the deal with the State of Oregon:

Officiants: Ministers of any church organized, carrying on its work, and having congregations in this state may perform marriages in this state if authorized by their church to do so. Before performing marriages, ministers must file their credentials with the county clerk of the county in which they reside or in which the marriage is to be performed. Ministers must give the bride and groom a marriage certificate upon request. Also, the minister must send a marriage certificate to the county clerk who issued the marriage license within one month after the marriage.

The SEC is proposing a change which could completely change corporate dynamics in this country: their plan would allow investors to nominate their own directors at annual shareholder meetings. This would completely change the way that corporations do business in this country by making the selection of board members a democratic process.

They sit on the boards of the largest companies in america.
Many sit on government committees.
They make decisions that affect our lives.
They Rule.

The Pentagon was selling equipment for biological warfare for pennies on the dollar!

A congressional source said the GAO front corporation was able to buy evaporator, incubator and centrifuge equipment that can be used to produce biological warfare agents.

It also bought 300 to 400 protective suits required for the production of biological agents, the source said.

The fictitious GAO company spent "a little over $4,000" for equipment that the Defense Department originally bought for some $46,000, according to the source and the report.

"That's less than 10 cents on the dollar," the source said.

Jews for Jesus. Jews for Allah. Muslims for Jesus.

I was disappointed to find that there were no Christians for Allah.

It's really interesting to see a place where a large group African scam artists post and try to rip each other off. There are also great deals on prescription drugs and software if you look around.

BRANCH MANAGER, UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA PLC ILUPEJU BRANCH LAGOS NIGERIA. ATTN: PRESIDENT/C.E.O I am pleased to get across to you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal, though I don't know you neither have I seen you before but my confidence was reposed on you when the Chief Executive of Lagos State chamber of Commerce and Industry handed me yourcontact for a confidential business. I am the manager of United Bank for Africa Plc (UBA),Ilupeju branch, Lagos Nigeria.The intended business is thus; We had a customer, a Foreign resident in Nigeria, he was a Contractor with one of the Government Parastatals.He has in his Account in my branch the sum of US 38.6 Million (Thirty Eight Million, Six HundredThousandU.SDollars).Unfortunately, the man died three years ago until today non-of his next of kin has come forward to claim the money. Having noticed this, I in collaboration with two other top Officials of the bank have covered up the account all this while. Now we want you (being a foreigner) to be fronted as one of his next of kin and forward your account and other relevant documents to be advised to you by us to attest to the Claim. We will use our positions to get all internal documentations to back up the claims . The whole procedures will last only five working days to get the fund retrieved successfully without trace even now or in future.Your response is only what we are waiting for as we have arranged all necessary things. As soon as this message comes to you kindly get back to me indicating your interest, then I will furnish you with the whole procedures to ensure that the deal is successfully concluded. For your assistance we have agreed to give you twenty five percent (25%) of the Total sum at the end of the transaction while 65% would be for my colleagues and I and the remaining 10% would be for any form ofexpenses that may be incurred during the course of the transaction which would be given to us when the money is transferred into your account before splitting the balance on the agreed percentage of 65% to 25%. In order to get all the legal documents from the court, kindly send the following information to us immediately. Your full name,telephone,mobile and fax numbers as well as your resident or company address. I await your earliest response. Thanks, Yours Sincerely, NICHOLAS UKABUEGWU

[disclaimer: don't send money to anyone on this list! You have been warned.]

George W. Bush is a poet:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oh my, lump in the bed
How I've missed you.

Roses are redder
Bluer am I
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy.

Jacques, you pimp.

According to this site, most blogs are abandoned within their first year.

The most dramatic finding was that 66.0% of surveyed blogs had not been updated in two months, representing 2.72 million blogs that have been either permanently or temporarily abandoned. Apparently the blog-hosting services have made it so easy to create a blog that many tire-kickers feel no commitment to continuing the blog they initiate. In fact, 1.09 million blogs were one-day wonders, with no postings on subsequent days. The average duration of the remaining 1.63 million abandoned blogs was 126 days (almost four months). A surprising 132,000 blogs were abandoned after being maintained a year or more (the oldest abandoned blog surveyed had been maintained for 923 days).

Verisign got a spanking from ICANN for its' pagefinder service. They think they didn't do anything wrong. I think it's fairly clear they deserved it. It was a pretty bold power play aimed at the heart of the internet. Verisign is a for-profit company; why are they in control of the workings of a vital public resource? What gives them the right to profit from it? It was a pretty big lesson for me, because I had no idea that it was possible for anyone to do anything of that nature. Some are calling this event a result of engineers and business crossing paths, but I think that putting a money-hungry entity in charge of a public resource is like putting a fox in the henhouse. It makes about as much sense as deregulating electricity did in California did.

In honor of my 200th post, I'm bringing back the Bush Speech Generator!

I have just returned from one of the few liquor stores in the state of Oregon which remains open on Sunday. Why do liquor store owners keep bankers' hours? I digress... So Mallory and myself have purchased a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin (the website for this liquor is informative and highly entertaining). It tastes very good when mixed with 100% Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice. We were startled to discover that my next door neighbor, who once saved me from being late to work on my first day at my new job, was the clerk. It truly is a small world.

Once again, memepool delivers the good links: Decontrol.

Some pointers on lovemaking from the perspective of the Imperial Walker.

Rush might try to claim that it was the drugs talking when he made those foolish statements...

I finished week two of training today. For the second time in my life, I can honestly say "Thank god it's Friday!" with a straight face. I'm submitting my bid for a shift on Monday, and I can tell you it's going to be 9 to 5, monday through friday or I walk or I'll be sad.

The KKK is probably very sad to hear the news that Rush is resigning from ESPN.