Author unknow, but I found the list at this fine weblog:

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never suceed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to cars or longer lifespans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “seperate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Seperate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as seperate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

The argument against gay marriage I find the most humorous is the 'it's not natural' argument. Suppose it were proven that in fact homosexuality *is* natural? Would the opponents then drop their objections? Because homosexuality is common in nature. The Nazi argument against homosexuality was it was too natural, and was dangerous because it let people revert to their animal instincts. Watch for religious conservatives to ape the Nazis on this one. I'm just going to make this prediction right now.

What's the deal with state-endorsed marriage anyway? It's a sacrament, according to our president. So yeah, it's a good thing we live in a theocracy where sacraments mean something. As a muslim, I think marriage is under attack from all these harlots who walk around with faces exposed, in public without a written permission slip from their husband or father on their way to their degrading office jobs.

Yes...if you're going to make a 'defense of marriage' amendment to the constitution, make sure you add the section banning divorce. Duh.