I'm parking my nether regions here at the University of Oregon for the last time, arrr. Shiver me timbers, I haven't heard from my scurvy wench since she went to the drive in movies with the landlubbers from Missouri. Argh. She gave me the wrong phone number so I wouldn't call her, and then shivered me timbers with her shrill harpy voice yesterday before hanging up on me, and I haven't heard from her since. Arrr. I'm going to blow all my doubloons on wenches and rum if she doesn't call me back, mateys. Mark me words.

It's me last weekend of toiling here in the port of Eugene, for after Saturday I shall set a course to Portland and never return. Unless it's to plunder Eugene's booty. Hopefully my trusty vessel doesn't break down and leave me marooned on the side of I-5. Argh.